TO MY GUARDIAN ANGEL – KARA

You’ve been gone a month now but you are constantly in my thoughts and in my heart.  You were special and you touched everyone who saw with your smile and i have never had the courage to really say goodbye. I actually still feel bad that i wasn’t keen enough to see what was going on with you and your health. Kara I miss you and I think about you all the time.  You were a good girl and never let me down.  I just hope that in the end you felt the same way.  I hope that you didn’t suffer too long. When i got the call that you were no longer with us i cried but i remembered of all the good and sweet memories i had of us, you were really there for me when i needed you, i am thankful you came to my life when you did and made me grow and be responsible because i always saw that you were my little baby girl. I really tried to be objective and asked the doctors to be honest with me but when the word came that we were at the end our journey, I was surprised, but resolved to do what was right.  I appreciate that you were so happy to see me, the kisses you gave me and the big hugs. You had no idea what was to come but you were so sick. You always put on a brave face for me and I appreciate that.   You were so good at pretending that everything was okay.  You ate when I asked you too. You were a good girl right to the very end.  I hope that I never let you down because you need to know that you never let me down! 13483290_1098185173586358_12453206316723576_o.jpgI hope to some day get another “fur kid” who will help fill the void that you left.  They will never replace you but I hope that you are okay with the idea that I need to have another dog in my life and that it’s because you made such an impact on us.  That is your legacy, my sweet, sweet girl. You were the best. You will always be the best and as time passes I know that I will think of you and smile instead of how I feel now.  I wish I was more like you living in the moment and just living to please.  You were a great example of what we should all strive to be.  Good, pure and loving….

Continue Rest in peace my sweet Kara…..

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CLOSURE – NEVER BEEN THIS FREE

Live up to the standards you impose upon others. Thank you for making me this strong,courageous and independent woman that i am today. I never really understood what i saw in you , just that you attracted me like no other and now I’m fighting back tears that remind me of the old days, the clock will never turn back time but memories will stay forever.

Some things you may forgive , but never forget , then when the memories come back unexpectedly , you realise you never forgave at all. Everything happens for a reason and i always take things as they are. i thank God that i met and fell in love with you,i had to be strong because i knows what its like to be weak. I keep a guard up because i knows what its like to cry myself to sleep.

Maybe I was naive,maybe I was really the one to you. I don’t know. I’ll never get the closure. I really thought you were old enough and mature enough to talk about it to me,but you aren’t.  After almost 15 months of me sticking by your side. You red flags seemed like welcome home signs to me. In the end maybe I should’ve left the first time you i got pictures of another lady on your phone and you just got angry, maybe i should have left when you hit me. Maybe I should’ve told you ,when you were yelling out angry;that you scared me. That I was scared. That the louder your voice got;I shook.You never saw it,you never knew. And how bad it stung every time you treated me like i was so insecure. In fact I never got an apology from you ever. I never got an ”I’m sorry I was ignoring you” I never got an apology not even on the day you left besides that you’re sorry about feeling bitter towards me. I hope you tell them if they ask , what happened; that you ignored me. That I did excessively texted you and you didn’t have one minute to type an ”Hey honey , I love you and miss you. I hardly had trust issues , at-least hardly made them notice. I trusted you and after the way you ended us; I regret that I trusted you in the first place, if you could’ve been trusted you wouldn’t have broken up the way you did. No instead you blamed me for not trusting you and how you felt now dead inside,how you can’t be with someone that doesn’t trust you but your actions made my friends not trust you in the first place. They didn’t trust you because of the way you behaved,I trusted you but you broke trust every single time. I blamed my disorder. You blamed me as a person.

I haven’t and won’t forget any of our memories and I haven’t given up hope. But I have to try to move on and accept that this is the end of what we had. You broke me down until there was nothing left of me, & I’m still here to tell my story. I’m not as weak as you thought! so thank you.

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YOU ARE THE REASON

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There goes my heart beating ‘Cause you are the reason I’m losing my sleep,
Please come back now. There goes my mind racing And you are the reason
That I’m still breathing I’m hopeless now. I’d climb every mountain
And swim every ocean Just to be with you And fix what I’ve broken
Oh, ’cause I need you to see That you are the reason

My brother sent me a link to this song today actually, and the first i heard of it i fell in love with it. The lyrics to this song are deep and seem to be sincere. Calum Scott has celebrated love in this particular song, that made me believe that even the ones that dont believe in love should do. This song has really made me think and rethink about Love and well relationships. As this song starts it makes you go to a fragile place of anxiety and not knowing the cause of it, But as you, continue listening to it you realized how every relationships have difficult times but you stick with them because the love you fundamentally feel for the other person overrides everything else. You Are The Reason to me is like the wedding song with it being so emotionally powerful in terms of the lyrics as you’re literally telling someone else they are the reason. I think that it’s beautiful if said sincerely.

True love is real—deep, unconditional, everlasting love. The reason it is so rare is because it is so misunderstood. I’m talking about that deep down, life changing, earth shaking, always-and-forever kind of love—the stuff of poetry and legend. Many people are skeptical, and for good reason. Today’s culture isn’t very fertile ground for romance.  With social media, text messaging and online dating, we’ve revolutionized communication but we’ve lost the art of relationship. There are very few success stories. Sometimes it seems like there are very few people having real, face-to-face conversations anymore!

Most people’s idea of “true love” looks something like this: Mr. or Mrs. Right is waiting out there somewhere, “the One” they are destined to be with. And that special someone is looking for them too, and it’s only a matter of time before they meet each other—and of course, they’ll both live happily ever after. well that’s

Bullshit. Happily ever after doesn’t exist. And God didn’t hand pick one special person just for you. In fact, the whole idea of finding fulfillment in someone else is an illusion.  The fear of loneliness prevents us from experiencing real intimacy. True love lies beyond that fear. We have to face the “forever empty,” the unquenchable sadness deep within us; the ever present knowledge of our own mortality, that in the end we all face death all alone. The truth is that real love requires real inner work that most people just aren’t interested in. It requires that we first be happy in our solitude; that we come to know ourselves, accept ourselves and love ourselves. We have to find our peace of mind, find our purpose, our passion, our enjoyment of life. It requires that we lay down the ego’s defenses and be naked and vulnerable; that we give up our planning and fantasizing about the future and live in the Now. Only then are we really ready to love. When you fully grasp that tomorrow is not guaranteed—that this moment is truly all that we have—there is nothing to do but give everything you’ve got, expecting nothing in return.

In fact, you know in advance that your heart will be broken. You will be lied to, you will be taken for granted; you will be hurt and disappointed. Sooner or later, between here and your deathbed, you will have to say goodbye. You know it, you accept it, and you love anyway. Real love is divine. It comes from a relationship with God, a dance with emptiness which takes us beyond the human self, beyond the ego’s petty games to know a timeless love; to taste the fullness of joy.

Be someone’s reason and love like you will die to today.

 

 

 

DEATH WAS ARRESTED

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Alone in my sorrow and dead in my sin, Lost without hope with no place to begin. Your love Made a way to let mercy come in, When death was arrested and my life began” these are some of the lyrics to a song by North Point Out ft Seth Condrey. If there’s one thing that this song has reminded me is God’s endless love, why am i saying this? The song is an emotive description of a beautiful picture of what Jesus did for us. The enemy is real, and our best defense against his desire to destroy us is to cry out the victorious words of songs like “Death Was Arrested” at the top of our lungs, knowing that our Redeemer has saved us from death, forever. No matter where you are in your walk with Jesus, this song is a salvation message that helps us remember that Jesus came to die, defeated death and rose again to set us free.

Well, God sent his only son so that He can free us from OUR sins, i know there’s no one that would die for you but He did so that we can be freed from sin and have new life. How powerful is that?!  I do believe and would say that without a doubt that our mission in life and the reason why we are able to experience what the end of the song say “Oh, we’re free, free Forever we’re free Come join the song Of all the redeemed Yes, we’re free free Forever amen When death was arrested and my life began”. In 1st Corinthians 15: 1-58, We hear about the resurrection of God how we should believe and have faith in Him because he died and was later resurrected  and I love how at the end of that, Paul makes the case that if Christ is not risen from the dead, then Christians are the most pitiful people in the world.

Going after spiritual freedom, we throw off a lot of things the world would say is important, like money and success. We say there’s something greater to live for. At the end of that, Paul says because Christ is indeed risen, be steadfast and unmovable day in and day out, giving ourselves to the work of the Lord. We know that what we do in Him and in His power is not in vain. The only way that is possible is that if the message of this song, that death has been arrested and that we have the possibility of new life and freedom, is actually true and a reality. It’s not just a religious belief, but affects the way we love others, the way treat others and the way we serve our churches. Christ in us is our hope for everything. He is alive!

There is nothing we have been given that is more valuable than our salvation. This song moves me to reflect on just how much Jesus endured to purchase us from the grave. This song is a foretaste of that beautiful ending that we are all running towards as we finish the race set before us.  The Good News of the Gospel, which this song perfectly portrays, is that God accepts us no matter what we’ve done. As the song says, “My shame was a ransom He faithfully bore, He cancelled my debt and He called me His friend, when death was arrested and my life began.” What a wonderful, encouraging Truth. That’s the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.
This song is a great way to thank Jesus for the undeserved gift of grace. Grace could stand for “God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense.” As we celebrate the Resurrection of our King, you can sing this song to Jesus and know that He died to save us. Don’t be sad or feel guilty, but accept Jesus and celebrate that Jesus is alive!

Be blessed. Remember Death was arrested and your life began

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FORGIVENESS

Mathew 6:14-15  14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. 

For the longest time ever i have been the person that would not be able to forgive and all i did was hold on to grudges that didn’t even matter and i found myself getting hurt in the process because the more i didn’t the more i carried that baggage  of hate. Hate that made me want to kill you, Literally speaking but over the past months i have grown spiritually and i have learnt a few things about forgiving the godly way. I know its  not easy, truth be told i have hated and carried some grudges from when i was a kid and i had to live with people who hurt me but now that i am all grown i have come to understand that forgiving does not necessarily mean that things should go back to how the way they were before but forgiveness is more for you than for them. That’s where a lot of people get stuck. They think if they forgive it means they are saying that what the person did was okay. No, it really means freedom for YOU from the residual effects of the sin: nursing a grudge, resentment, bitterness, retaliation etc. You can forgive someone from your heart even if your emotional side doesn’t want to go along, especially at first. Sometimes the emotions follow but not always. Forgiveness basically releases you from your offense as far as you are concerned. They don’t owe you anything. Rather, you let that sin be between them and God. How is it possible to forgive? You might ask. But the easiest way I know of is to meditate on your own great need for forgiveness. Rather than compare yourself to the one who offended you, compare yourself to God’s righteousness where you will always come up short. “For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment.” (Isaiah 64:6) God has forgiven us. Who are we to deny forgiveness to another?

Lets now talk about Forgiving but cutting ties. Some offense repeated over and over prompted your query. You feel at the end of your road and you want to cut all ties with the offender. Can you? This is not necessarily all-inclusive but I think there are definitely two times where cutting ties is appropriate. The first one is for safety or protection for yourself or someone you are responsible for. For instance, if a relative sexually abused you, you would definitely need to cut ties permanently. It is your responsibility to keep you safe. Or, what if a friend stole something while in your house? What if it happened every time they had access? This serious breech of trust calls for action to deny them any further opportunity. The other instance is not quite so clear-cut. It is the case where a relationship is so emotionally unhealthy it always gets the best of you. You fall into the same poisonous patterns over and over. You have the right to protect yourself from danger, whether physical or psychological. Forgiving someone has nothing to do with it. You can both forgive from your heart and then remove yourself from further offense. This may not be done as retaliation however. God knows your heart so there’s no use trying to fool him. Always forgive without limit because Jesus has forgiven you without limit. But when it comes to the company you keep remember this: “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. (Proverbs 13:20)

Remember When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. And as my lovely godmother told me this morning when i asked her how one is able to pray for God to help you forgive, FORGIVENESS IS A MIRACLE THAT ONLY GOD CAN GRANT US.

STAY BLESSED REMEMBER GOD LOVES YOU ALL 🙂 

 

 

EVEN WHEN IT HURTS

‘I will bless the Lord at all times — His praise shall continually be in my mouth’ (Psalm 34:1).”

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Where does your strength comes from? Every one of us have  times when they are completely discouraged and just want to give up and everyone else around you tells you how it will be fine and that you will come out a victor but you still cant imagine how that will happen. If you are a believer and run to God for everything you will start asking Him hard question like “why me, what did i do to deserves all this pain and misery in life. It’s good to know that our Father invites us to confide in Him, to share our feelings honestly in prayer. He cares for us and understands our needs and weaknesses. We can draw near to Him by singing psalms or hymns, or reflecting on His goodness and speaking well of Him. Of course, there are times when this may seem too difficult, but even whispering a prayer of praise can usher in a sense of liberty and peace.There have been times when I’ve thought, “I’ll never be encouraged.” Yet as soon as I begin to remind myself of His mercy and goodness, the clouds disperse. Now this doesn’t mean that those problems will suddenly disappear or that it will be smooth sailing from here on out, but it does mean that my face will brighten again and the weight of the burden will lessen. I’ll be able to experience the joy of the Lord in the midst of life’s storms and challenges. It is possible to praise the Lord in hardship. In one sense, it’s a choice, not a feeling. It becomes a kind of personal battle cry. Even when our run has slowed to a crawl and our shout has died down to a whimper — we can wait on our good Father with fierce expectation. He is faithful and true. If we can’t praise Him for our circumstances, we can praise Him in spite of them. Ultimately, it’s the Lord who heals the distressed soul. The Holy Spirit causes our hearts to overflow with hope. He turns the light on where once there was only darkness. There is power in the flow of the Spirit! Knowing He’ll meet us when we are most broken is the beautiful reality of living the abundant life. When we think of praise, it may help to note that this includes thanksgiving, speaking well of God, confessing faith, and a vast array of adoring expressions. I think the enemy knows that as long as we wait for everything to line up before we praise the Lord, we’ll stay stuck a lot longer than we need to. We can still praise Him because He’s worthy. We can still praise Him for the Cross. True joy and peace don’t originate with us, but come to us as the gifts and fruit of God’s grace. May we always pour out our hurting hearts to Him in prayer, and then reaffirm: I’m still going to praise Him. I have hope, He is faithful to help, and He is my God! Whether I understand everything or not, with an answer or without one, Even when my strength is lost I’ll praise you, Even when I have no song I’ll praise you, Even when it’s hard to find the words,Louder then I’ll sing your praise. Take this mountain weight Take these ocean tears Hold me through the trial Come like hope again -Hillsong United

NO LONGER SLAVES

Hi Everyone? So i have had a particular song on repeat for the past few weeks and lets just say it has become my new favourite song  the song am talking about is “No longer a slave” by Bethel Music where they sing: I’m no longer a slave to fear; I am a child of God. Theses lyrics have tugged at my heartstrings. Fear fills our mind with darkness and endless over-analysis of situations. This then pulls us into panic, which simply makes our minds more and more vulnerable, and often more and more irrational. It destroys any positive view of ourselves that we have, and seeps toxic despair into us. A strong distraction often seems like the only way to break out of such a cycle.

To face such fears head-on is not only absolutely daunting, but sometimes absolutely impossible once we’re stuck in cycles of panic. Recently, I have heard a lot of talks about living fearlessly. Both my family and in my church i have been hearing about this subject about fear and overcoming it, and now this song is stuck in my head, maybe God is trying to tell me something! Fear is something that everyone faces. For me, at the moment it would be terrifyingly easy to become a slave to fear and worry about my future,Work, friends, love, money, rejection, death and well Cats.

When people and situations seem so far out of my control, all human nature within me screams anxiety and fear. But this song has reminded me that we don’t need to be victimized by fear. A total absence of fear can be a reality in fact. Imagine that?! What would we do differently day to day if only we knew what it meant to live fearlessly. I don’t think an absence of fear means safety. I think it means total surrender to a God who knows the beginning to the end. It means knowing whose daughter I am, and why that makes a difference in this world. I think it means utter peace in my heart and mind that whatever happens, I still know who the winner is. His name is Jesus.I find  peace in simply giving the whole matter over to God after all, we are constantly urged to Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). This has been my greatest anxiety by far, so surely this is the most significant fear I can ever cast upon Him.Fear is no longer our master.  With God, we have true freedom from fear.When you find yourself faced with decision to, “go big or go home,” just remember..Fear is temporary; Regret is forever! and God loves you so much remember I’m no longer a slave to fear; I am a child of God be blessed. 

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I’m going to embrace my future, shed the past, and Live Fearlessly.

 

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