Feminism vs masculine

I am wildly feminine, but ironically, in relationships I have always been the pragmatic and reasonable one. I am the master of self control and easily avoid being too emotional. I’ve always been proud of my ability to do that. As I started to dig into my soul-stuff through self pleasure I realized how opposing that masculine approach to relationships was to my true self. Looking back into my past I could see that every time I let my wild femininity lead in relationships, I had been deeply hurt. Not just with romance, but as a child, and with my family. I used my masculine, pragmatic, rational self as a defense mechanism; a wall I put up to keep love out. So I explored this. I found myself attracted to men and women who wore their masculinity on their sleeves in bright neon blinking lights. Kind men/women, but dominant… MMMmmmmm… That’s exactly what I needed. I was nervous to invite a man/woman into the amazing sexual experience I had created, but I needed to figure out what was going on with this balance of feminine/masculine yin/yan. It was worth it. Being with him allowed me to recalibrate my femininity. At first, I fought back and tried to push my way into a more controlling role. He would gently put me back in my place and keep me there. When I really learned to let go and relax and enjoy the feeling of having no responsibility but all the power in the world, I tapped into something that I’ve never felt before. I felt completely fulfilled and satisfied not just sexually, but as a whole being. The more I surrendered into that energy and let go of trying to micromanage our sexual relationship, the more my inner fears and insecurities loosened their grip on my life, and melted away easily. I was really happy with who I had become. The mantra I live by in relationships is: I am not looking for another half; I am a whole, looking for another whole. I am finally actually living that mantra.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. joddie
    Jun 03, 2015 @ 12:52:21

    awesome

    Like

    Reply

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