As the days pass by and weeks creep by I find myself obsessing over ways that I could die. I lay awake at night in bed thinking of the pain there’s no way it could get better; I have nothing left to gain.

All of a sudden thoughts of death come to mind they are controlling my every move, and every battle that I try to fight in me I seem to be lossing. I no longer want to be around those I love and love me back or so I think. All I can I think about is the battle that am trying to win in my mind.

I cut my arm with a sharp little pen knife to make the pain inside go away but it can’t it seem to get worse by each passing minute and every move I make makes me the losser how can I conquer this??? I want the pain to go away, I want to go back to my normal social self, I want to feel loved again I want to love again but how can I do this???

I don’t want to live but then again am too young to take away my life I want a family of my own,  a successful career,  my squad of friends being there with me making jokes about how my kid did something really funny that makes us laugh our ribs out.

My eyes are getting heavy, my body feels so weak everything inside me is numb. I am trying to smile when need be and break down when I don’t. I am suppose to strong what is happening to me I mean I am suppose to fight this.

I plan to take some pain killers that will help ease the pain away. I write letters to all my friends explaing why I did it, to my family I ask them to understand that I couldn’t take it no more, my body and mind couldn’t fight it no more. Atleast I had tried to fight but I can’t I just can’t.

I look around one last time and take in the last of my breath. As I lay there one by one there pass me by, holding handkerchiefs some have sunglasses I guess they want to cover up the swollen red eyes that have been crying.  I feel their pain too I want to hug them, I want to say it will be okay but I cant. Am sorry for the pain I caused.

Am feeling cold now so cold that I can’t feel my legs is the end??? Is this where I say my good byes. But NO I want to say one thing before I go, I want to change somethings before I leave, my whole body is now cold and numb, but from a far there is a noise someone is calling my name

Is this heaven?? Is the angel of death here to take me away..



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. victor
    Jul 29, 2016 @ 10:22:05

    Quiet captivating in my point of view. Makes the reader visualize your deep and sorrowful emotions. Keep it up

    Liked by 1 person


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: