CLOSURE – NEVER BEEN THIS FREE

Live up to the standards you impose upon others. Thank you for making me this strong,courageous and independent woman that i am today. I never really understood what i saw in you , just that you attracted me like no other and now I’m fighting back tears that remind me of the old days, the clock will never turn back time but memories will stay forever.

Some things you may forgive , but never forget , then when the memories come back unexpectedly , you realise you never forgave at all. Everything happens for a reason and i always take things as they are. i thank God that i met and fell in love with you,i had to be strong because i knows what its like to be weak. I keep a guard up because i knows what its like to cry myself to sleep.

Maybe I was naive,maybe I was really the one to you. I don’t know. I’ll never get the closure. I really thought you were old enough and mature enough to talk about it to me,but you aren’t.  After almost 15 months of me sticking by your side. You red flags seemed like welcome home signs to me. In the end maybe I should’ve left the first time you i got pictures of another lady on your phone and you just got angry, maybe i should have left when you hit me. Maybe I should’ve told you ,when you were yelling out angry;that you scared me. That I was scared. That the louder your voice got;I shook.You never saw it,you never knew. And how bad it stung every time you treated me like i was so insecure. In fact I never got an apology from you ever. I never got an ”I’m sorry I was ignoring you” I never got an apology not even on the day you left besides that you’re sorry about feeling bitter towards me. I hope you tell them if they ask , what happened; that you ignored me. That I did excessively texted you and you didn’t have one minute to type an ”Hey honey , I love you and miss you. I hardly had trust issues , at-least hardly made them notice. I trusted you and after the way you ended us; I regret that I trusted you in the first place, if you could’ve been trusted you wouldn’t have broken up the way you did. No instead you blamed me for not trusting you and how you felt now dead inside,how you can’t be with someone that doesn’t trust you but your actions made my friends not trust you in the first place. They didn’t trust you because of the way you behaved,I trusted you but you broke trust every single time. I blamed my disorder. You blamed me as a person.

I haven’t and won’t forget any of our memories and I haven’t given up hope. But I have to try to move on and accept that this is the end of what we had. You broke me down until there was nothing left of me, & I’m still here to tell my story. I’m not as weak as you thought! so thank you.

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